Coming into motherhood really does look like a wrecking ball. It felt that way to me at first. Between the postpartum days, and the moments where you think you have things figured out, just to turn around and realize your child has outgrown the thing you just “mastered.” I definitely feel like a wrecking ball was entering my life six years ago.
It took four kids in four-and-a-half years for me to drink coffee regularly.
I used to wonder, while I was forcing a sip down, when I would look forward to my morning coffee. Or when it would be necessary before really ‘starting’ my day. I felt like it wasn’t normal to not consume massive amounts of it, because motherhood and coffee seemed to go hand in hand.
That this was another part of motherhood I wasn’t winning at.
I was completely in my head and comparing where I was as a mother to other moms who were years down the road. And I doubted myself because I was at the figurative start line, and wondering why my pace didn’t match other moms.
Maybe for you, it isn’t coffee.
Maybe you’ve been drinking it regularly from your early college days. Or maybe it just doesn’t do anything for you, period. There is something, though, that you questioned when you entered motherhood.
We all have that area that we see other moms excelling in, or are just not phased by, and wonder to ourselves, “when will THAT get easier?” Or “when will I get THERE?” Whether it’s the mom who can tune out the rambunctious children in the background playing, or the mom who isn’t phased by the public tantrum and just continues on parenting and grocery shopping at the same time. Circumstances in motherhood that maybe make you sweat with anxiety over how you think you will handle it, or won’t handle it.
But mamas, the biggest thing I’m learning in motherhood over almost six years is:
Motherhood takes time.
It isn’t something that completely comes together just because you now have the title, “mom.” You will have ups and downs, and things will take doing a million times over before you see the fruit being born. You gain skills and resilience that to other new moms will seem like super powers.
So, to the seasoned mamas—the best thing that we can do for new mamas, who are questioning their journey as a mom, is turn around and offer them a helping hand. A smile and a nod of solidarity. An encouraging word, instead of a string of unwanted advice. We can remember what it was like to be handed a new babe. Driving them home. Having NO REAL CLUE what motherhood is about.
And to the new moms—we aren’t better moms than you. We aren’t mentally stronger than you. We just have more time under our belts.
Motherhood takes time.
All of us fall flat on our faces in motherhood, regularly. We all enter new seasons that we have never trekked before. Stumbling through it like Bambi learning how to stand and walk. This work is truly never done, we won’t ever really “arrive.”
We do, however, learn to love our children more each and everyday. Mamas, I hope you learn to love yourself as a mom more everyday. No matter what season you are in. And to realize that comparing yourself to another mom will never be a fair judgment of who you are in motherhood.