The Comparison Trap: We’re On The Same Team


Same Team Featured ImageThere’s this thing we do as women.  Sometimes it is subtle, but I’ve been noticing it blaringly lately.  I have gotten my ego trapped in this snare called comparison.  Its lies tell us that you and I are on opposing teams.

Recently, I’ve seen it play out a few ways.  I’ve walked up to the checkout counter to purchase, only to have the cashier first look me up and down—quick enough to not get caught, but too late, I already saw it!  Or upon meeting another mom at the park she first looks at my wedding ring or car to see how it compares to hers.  “You just had a baby?(looks me up and down while silently assessing my current body shape).  The unspoken agenda was that of standardizing what our bodies should look like at certain times post-partum.

Have you encountered something like this before?  I know as much as I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to fully escape the comparison trap.  I find myself on both sides at times.

You are Awesome

Our complexity as women is incomparable.  We each stand alone with a multi-faceted and unique beauty that is worth celebration.  Think about what you’ve walked in and through that makes you the woman you are today.  Pause for a moment and really think about it.  There’s no other woman on the planet that has your unique story.  Wow.  Now think about how far you’ve come and what you’ve overcome.  C’mon, that is worth celebration!  That’s worth a “woo-hoo” with a pop of confetti and maybe even a parade outside your front door.

Cheering One Another On

What if we focused on the heart and soul of our sisters that stood before us rather than that of exterior and circumstantial things?  Can we approach other women with a posture of curiosity instead of an opportunity to see where we measure up?  Try to offer a helping hand and compassion to the mom who is about to lose it on her kids in the checkout line.

Let’s be there for each other, and not beat each other up with the looks up and down.  It’s surely the harder road, as most of us have been trained to join in the comparison game.  I dare you to start being the first one to give a genuine compliment to that other woman who stands before you, wherever that may be.  How much could our community grow and change for the better, if we made it our agenda to believe for one another?

We Are On The Same Team

I know I have to catch myself when I’m walking into Target behind another woman.  I have to lasso my thoughts and not assume I can know her story based on her boots or how many kids she has with her.

What are we truly looking for when we subtly, or not so much, compare ourselves to the woman in front of us?  It can be so easy to deem yourself the winner or loser of the game when you’re also the referee.  It’s not fair, to yourself or your teammate.  That’s right.  Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that every woman (person) in your community that you encounter is actually your teammate?  I mean we throw these phrases around, like, “It takes a village.”  Do we really mean it?  I sure hope so, because I’m counting on you!

We Need Each Other

There’s no way that we can possibly do this life independently, on our own.  We need each other.  Each day that we step out of our front doors into the many goings on in our lives, we are declaring that we need and trust each other.

We need the teachers that care for and shepherd our children at school.  We cherish the wonderful people who prepare our food so we can catch a moment of connection with family.  I need the mama who offers to help me when I’m at the playground holding the crying baby and the toddler wants to be pushed on the swing.  We are not walking this life alone.  There are women all around us who are on our team.

My desire is to cheer you on!  I hope we can share a high-five or a “way to go, sister” when I see you in town.  You’re doing great out there, mama!