We all know that “it takes a village.” Raising children is far from easy. The physical, mental and emotional work load is second to none. We as parents need a village to help ease the workload of raising good, kind, thoughtful, happy children. We need community and friendship to ease the burdens that often accompany motherhood.
As much as we may like to think we can do everything for our children, we can’t. Spreading ourselves too thin doesn’t benefit us as mothers, and it certainly doesn’t benefit our children. But more than simply helping raise children, we need a village for the friendship and community it provides in a role that at times can be incredibly isolating. Mothers need friends and family on this journey. We need to share our trials and triumphs in order to be the best parents we can become. Community, connection and friendship are desperately needed, wanted and craved in motherhood.
To All the Moms Without a Village
This is for the moms without a village. I’ve been there and it is a deeply isolating, dark and lonely place. My village was far away. FaceTime, phone calls and text messages were most and some days all, of my social interactions with adults for months as my husband worked during the day and went to school at night. I looked forward to grocery shopping and doctors’ appointments just so I could get my son out of the house. I felt like I was failing him. My poor social life wasn’t his fault, but he was also dealing with the consequences of it. I would scroll through social media and long to be with the moms I saw having brunch with all of their friends and for my kid to be playing alongside theirs. I cried, struggled, and hoped for better in silence. Change only came when I realized that hoping for friends would never change the situation I found myself in. The biggest lesson I learned, was in order to have a village, I shouldn’t be searching for it. I should be building it.
How to Build Your Village
So, mama, don’t lose yourself in this lonely time. I promise you, it will not be forever. Go out of your way to find community. Get to story time even when you can’t find the motivation. Play at the park. Ask that other mom at the playground for her phone number. Go to new places, new libraries, new parks, new museums. Find a mom group. Go places even if you don’t have a friend to go with you. You just might find someone doing the same. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It can seem scary, but the reward of community and friendship will change your journey for the better in motherhood. Even though there will still be isolating times, you won’t feel nearly as alone.
You Deserve Community
I can guarantee you, you are not the only mom trying to build her village. So build your village and maybe you’ll be able to help someone else build theirs, too. Or maybe you’ll be the inspiration someone needed to start doing this work for themselves. Whatever you do, please don’t wait for things to change. Put in the work so that you can have the community and friendship you deserve because you absolutely do.
