Over the years, I have changed. It’s impossible to stay the exact same person. Life happens and you discover new passions. Obsessions turn into phases. Priorities shift. I used to be obsessed with martini glasses, my apartment was decorated with them. I had earrings, a giant glass that was front and center, plus all sizes, colors and even hand-painted ones.
It was obnoxious, but at the time, those martini glasses brought me joy. And dusting. I had to dust them often.
Discovering Authenticity
Looking back, I’m thankful the martini glasses were simply a phase. But all of my past phases have molded me into my current self, and I have to say, I really like her. She is my favorite version and my most authentic. I don’t feel the need to fit in. I don’t want more than I have (well, occasionally I stumble across a beautiful home that makes me rethink things). Past versions of myself were always reaching for something else; I felt that I had to be more and do more. I had to contort myself uncomfortably in order to find where I fit.
While I do think growth can sometimes be uncomfortable, I’m loving who I am now. I still have days that are grumpy and filled with uncertainty. I still occasionally feel like the awkward middle school Ashley. (A lot more lately that I have gangly mini-me emerging. Sorry love. It gets better, though. I swear!)
Life Is Hard
I don’t think that anyone has gone through life without experiencing some hardships. That’s part of what makes people interesting. No one has lived the same story. I don’t think life is intended to be filled with all highlights. Going through the lows makes the highs better. They turn a mediocre day into a good day.
Motherhood is no exception to the life is hard journey. There are days that I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I have had to dig into reserves that I never knew I had. I’ve also had moments that brought me more joy and love than I knew what to do with. It is a wild ride, but it is one that I am unbelievably thankful for. Motherhood has molded me into my absolute best self. I’ve always been a lead-by-example type of person, but as a mom, it is amplified.
Loving Motherhood
I am the most empathatic than I have ever been. I’ve always joked that I don’t have feelings, and it’s funny that I have a daughter who has ALL of them, all day long. I’ve had lots of eye-opening moments learning to navigate her feelings with her.
I am more patient. This one is a daily struggle for me, but it is one that I am trying my best to achieve.
I am less judgmental. Kids are all so different and there is no one-size-fits-all with parenting. My kids listen and remember everything. I’m very careful about what opinions I share in front of them.
I have healthier daily habits. I don’t want my kids to eat junk food all the time. So, I don’t either. I cook healthier meals, prepare healthier snacks and we go through more fruit than I thought was possible!
I’m more fun. I tend to be a more serious person; my kids bring out the goofy side of me. We do funny accents in the car. And I know all the best hiding spots; having kids has tapped into my inner child, and it’s fun.
I consider myself to be in the thick of motherhood. I have three kids, ages seven, five and one. They need a lot of me, and it’s okay. I will get to a place where I am not needed constantly. I will be able to read and send a text back completely uninterrupted. There are days that are draining. Lots of days are hard. I will gladly take all of the sleepless nights, tantrums, and hard days. I get to care for these amazing people. For all the hard, they make it worth it. Selfishly, I love how they’ve molded me. I’m worth being my best version.
