I think it was when I became a mom that “quiet” started making me nervous. If it was quiet and I didn’t hear my kids, they were most likely doing something dangerous, messy, or at the very least something I would have to apologize for later. As time went on, “quiet” became a sort of nemesis to me. In my head, the quiet meant I was somehow missing something.
FOMO
I just knew I was missing a chance to talk and laugh with my kids. They will only be at home so long and I need to make the most of every moment we have together. Maybe I was missing time to share a conversation with a friend I didn’t see often. Who knows when I will have time to catch up with her again. Or maybe I was missing a chance to binge watch a few episodes of my favorite show that I was at least a season behind on. At the very least, a quiet moment was a missed opportunity to start that audiobook that I had been meaning to listen to for a while.
In my head, the “quiet” equaled lost time and as a multi-taking mama, that was never a good thing.
But recently I was out for a run and my headphones unexpectedly died five minutes in. I knew this was my only time today to run, so I continued on — in total silence.
Quiet Changed Me
The silence was deafening at first. Frustrated thoughts ran through my head of all this wasted time. But slowly the frustration began to melt away. The uncomfortable silence within my own self began to fade. I focused on the natural sounds around me, my breathing, and the clarity I was beginning to feel. It’s like the quiet finally broke through all the noise.
And that day — the silence changed me.
The next day, I decided to leave my headphones at home and I headed out on my run. Once again, I felt an initial discomfort, but soon found that clarity from the day before. Somehow, my mind found peace and calm. My mind wandered through my concerns, my celebrations, my confusions, and my plan for the day. I could hear my breath and somehow that comforted my soul.
I began to wonder if the silence was just what I needed. So, I tried it out. Quiet walks, quiet cleaning, quiet working, quiet cooking, and quiet sitting on my porch. I was so accustomed to a podcast playing, TV on, or music always in the background, that it took a little time to settle in. But I think I’ve found that the silence is so much more. Refreshing. Renewing. Restoring. Revitalizing. I’m coming out of these still moments focused and ready to face the daily challenges.
Finding a New Friend
Don’t get me wrong, I still bump 90’s tunes in my house almost daily, but I’m finding time each day to be okay in the silence. To let it wash over me and for a moment not be caught up in the noise of life. Maybe the “quiet” isn’t my nemesis after all. I think it might just be my friend! Here’s to being okay in the quiet.
